The Amazingly Slow Race

So the other day, Toshi and I began the Tourism challenge. People involved in the tourist industry get this little passport book with a variety of locations around the lower mainland. It's free access for two people. If the passport holder gets something like 12 stamps in the month of May, then they get access to most of the locations, for two people, for free, for the rest of the year. Since there is always talk amongst the people who I left behind about them coming out here for visits, this is too good an opportunity to pass up.

So the other day, on my night off, I dragged myself out of my day coma after three hours of sleep and we went a touring. We took photos, which I'll post eventually, once I figure out how to set them up.

We started with Maplewood farms, which is a gigantic petting zoo. They have cute little miniature donkeys, pot bellied pigs, chickens, rabbits and other cute cuddly animals.

And Goats. I hate goats. Or, specifically, goat eyes. Maybe it's puritanical Christian of me to fear the iconic image of the devil, but goat eyes really give me the creeps. we got in, too a couple of photos, solved the challenge required of us, and then fled from the grass eating demons.

Then it was up the gondola to Grouse Mountain, home of snow, a giant wind turbine and a pair of bear cubs, which aren't really cubs at this point, and could probably tear us to pieces if they weren't being protected from the mob of crazy tourists by an electric fence.

Seriously, there were people who were struck insane by the sight of these bears. They get up close to the fence, and then attempt to strike up a conversation with them, cooing at them in cutesy tones. The bears ignored them. So they cooed louder and tried to get closer to the glimmering shocking protective barrier in an attempt to psionically bond with them.

This is the same phenomenon as the guy who thought he was one with the sea and jumped into the killer whale tank or the people at zoos who throw themselves into animal pens and get gored.

After my wake up coffee on top of the mountain, we headed down to the Capilano suspension bridge. I'm not afraid of heights. I calmly walked across the bridge, and poked my head over the side to see the beautiful rapids underneath.

Beautiful nature was lost however, on the family who brought their terror stricken mother along, who took 15 minutes to inch her way along, as her family clumped up around her trying to coax her to keep going. Now, in a dangling free hanging suspension bridge when you put a lot of weight on one side of the path but not the other, it rocks precariously and the entire thing will tilt, drastically, threatening to dump the contents of the bridge into the wet rocky death waiting below. 6 people, inching along slowly all against one side, with other quick moving people struggling to get past them so that they can get off the terror inducing bridge makes a Lot of oscillations. Which of course provoked More screaming from the terrified elderly lady and slowed her down even more, making more members of the family bunch up against her, making the bridge lurch like a drunk on Saturday night and the cycle continued.

Call me sadistic, but that was the best live entertainment I've seen all week.

After scampering around the elevated walkways of the BC rainforest, it was off to the museum of Anthropology.

Not really my cup of tea. A lot of supposedly culturally relevant peices of art work, none of which I'd put on my wall, and the rather nice collection of cultural antiquities, clothing, masks, armor and weapons from culture around the world. Other people would probably enjoy this place more than I did.

Then it was off to the botanical gardens. Where, instead of letting nature take it's course, they planted and grew everything, so that it Looks like nature is doing it's own thing. They also have an awesome Physick Garden, filled with all of the pre pharmaceutical company medicinal use plants. It'll be better to go After the delayed, coldest spring on record is over and there are actually plants in bloom.

At which point, I began to collapse in fatigue, being loooong past my bedtime, and we called it a day.


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